Not been my usual self

‘sup, guys!

Thought I’d give you all a quick update as it’s going to be a bit quiet here on I swoon over fictional men for the next week or so. I’m heading on vacation on Tuesday so there’ll be no reviews or podcasts until next Wednesday at the earliest.

To be honest, this holiday has come at a good time. I’ve been quite open about my struggles with depression and anxiety and this past week has been awful. The thing is, I can’t even pin point exactly why I’m feeling how I do. There’s just so much going on in my head and I’ve been having days where I feel physically sick with anxiety and nights where I’ve gotten into bed and just sobbed myself into unconsciousness. It might sound a bit dramatic, but it’s just how it’s been. I haven’t been feeling usual self. I’m not always the happiest of people, but I don’t usually feel as bad as this.

So I’m hoping that a week away in the sun will help. I’m hoping some warmth, copious amounts of ice cream and some time away from work will get me back to my normal self. I’m so tired of feeling like this. I feel like my mental health is hell bent on ruining everything. I have a happy, positive week or two and then it’s like, bam. I’m punished for daring to believe happiness is within my grasp.

Anyway, I’ll check in every other day or so. I have a post lined up with all my holiday reads. Got some good ‘uns!


23 thoughts on “Not been my usual self

  1. Eurgh, holiday reads, I know Norse Mythology is in the list but I guess some of ‘those’ books will be too!? Barf!🤢🤢🤢
    “The thing is, I can’t even pin point exactly why I’m feeling how I do” – yep, bang on, not a damn sarcastic thing I can say about that as it’s so true and it really sucks too. It’s not necessarily better knowing exactly why you feel that way but at least if you know why, you know and aren’t questioning WTF you feel like that.
    That’s true about being the happiest of people too, I’m not myself and I’m generally fine with that but it makes it easier to realise when you are worse than normal.😢🙁
    Chin up kiddo!😉 Hopefully time away from work will do you good, it’s often the case that you need a break especially when dealing with idiots all the time, sorry, customers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As you are well aware by now, you guessed wrong ;D I’m ever so slightly fearful of the fact my taste in books is evolving beyond shirtless men, but I’m gonna try and see it as a good thing!
      Exactly. Sometimes I do know why and, like you say, I’m not questioning it and getting more and more frustrated. At least if I know , I can try at fix it somehow. When I feel like this, I can watch all the funny YouTube videos I want or read all the motivational articles I can find, but it still comes back when I eventually stop. I’m just so tired of feeling like this, as I imagine you are. I sometimes wonder if my brain is just wired wrong and I’m not supposed to be happy because it’s not something built into me 😦
      Customers were asses at work today but it was nice knowing I wasn’t going to see them for more than a week 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, that’s one of the worst things, being so damn tired of feeling like that! Especially when you’ve been OK and then suddenly you’re back to misery again. Ha, you’re fine! Have you seen the sh#t I come out with my brain isn’t wired right at all!😂😂 But I get your point.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I know, you begin to think “Oh hey, maybe I’m finally getting better!” and then BAM! Back to square one. Although I hate the thought of anyone else feeling like this, I’m glad there’s someone who understands what I mean.

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  2. Aww! This is so honest and heartfelt! I sometimes feel like this, so I can totally understand how horrible it is! I’m sure the vacation will get you smiling again though 😊❤️ (like you say, ice cream always helps!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry to hear that you feel like this too sometimes. It’s awful, isn’t it? It can sometimes feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel that’s anxiety and depression. I’m glad the internet allows us to connect with people experiencing similar things, though. It means we have a great support network ❤ Very excited at the prospect of ice cream 😛


    1. Thank you, that really means a lot to me ❤ I know it sounds cheesy, but I'm so blessed to have a friend like you. I've posted about my various ups and downs this past year and you've helped me through every one of them ❤ Everyone here on WP has been so supportive, kind and understanding. It's amazing how much friendship and support you can receive from people living thousands of miles away ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ❤ I'm sorry to hear of your struggles with depression and anxiety. Although it's awful that any of us have to deal with it, it's nice when online communities can unite us so we can support one another ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My lovely Jazz… I think that holiday really comes at a good time… Take some time off, chill and enjoy and think and observe and read and laugh and take care of you! ❤ I hope you eat tons of yummy food bursting with vitamins and spend some family time and feel all loved! It’s so necessary… Also- make some eyes at lovely boys and flirt.. and dig your toes into the sand and feel the sun… basically, just enjoy the time, clear your mind and simply enjoy! 🙂 I hope to hear from you soon, when you’re back from hols! 🙂 Safe travels! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ❤ I think you're right, I think this holiday has come at a good time. There's so much going on in my head right now and I think I just need time to switch off and soak up a bit of sun with a good book or my notepad to hand. I'm awful at flirting, but if I see some nice guys, I shall try 😀 I have as much flirtatious charisma as a sack of potatoes! 😛
      Thank you for your lovely, kind words of support and encouragement ❤ Having friends like you really helps me get through the bad days ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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