Be sure to check out my review for The Darkest Lie here.
*hesitantly knocks on your front door* Be calm, be cool, be collec- *door swings open* Oh heeeeeeeeeeey…long time no see, right? *laughs nervously* So, erm, I swoon over fictional men HQ told me things didn’t work out with the other matchmaker? Everyone else is on call so they’ve sent me… *feels the intensity of your glare* Look, okay. I’m sorry about the whole Rydstrom thing…yeah, yeah. I’m sure you two would have made a great couple. Yeeeeeah, I can totally just see you going on weekend camping trips and eating the skinned carcasses of the animals he’d catch for dinner *flinches as you shout* Yeah, yeah, I get why you’re angry, I am a vegetarian after all so even I wouldn’t do that but how could I resist!? He’s a demon king for crying out loud! There’s not many people, men and women alike, who wouldn’t want to leap into his lap with one glance and give those horns a lick!
Anyway, if it makes you feel any better, we didn’t even make it onto a second date. He’s shacked up with Sabine, Queen of Illusions now so how about we brush our little quarrel over Rydstrom under the carpet and have a cup of tea? We both got one date out of him so that’s something, right?
*five minutes later* So, Gideon, hm? *sips tea* One of the Lords of the Underworld…they’re an interesting bunch of girls and guys, to say the least. Most of their significant others started off as their prisoners…
Anyway, he’s gonna be here in, like *checks phone* twenty so let’s get you set for what is quite possibly gonna be the most interesting date you’ve ever had. Date nights with Gideon will probably/definitely include:
- Gideon arriving and gazing at you with a big grin on his face while he tells you how awful you look and how your outfit doesn’t bring out the colour of your eyes.
- Going to a restaurant and Gideon telling the waiter everything he doesn’t want to eat.
- Choking on some food when Gideon announces that he wants to kill you.
- Gideon, alarmed, passing you his drink and assuring you it’s water and telling you to gulp it quickly.
- Spewing the drink everywhere when you realize it’s neat vodka (seriously, who the fuck drinks neat vodka?)
- Heading back to the fortress for a movie sesh.
- Gideon telling you that he doesn’t want to watch an action or horror and definitely wants to watch a sad drama.
- Being horrified when Gideon laughs hysterically when the dog in the movie dies.
- Gideon, smiling sweetly, waiting outside with you for your taxi and telling you how he doesn’t want to see you again.
- Being confused as you make your way home and wondering if all the Lords are that strange…
Have fun and don’t take anything to heart! He’s a sweet boy really!