Check out my review for Valen here!

*runs up to you and throws myself into your outstretched, waiting arms* Dude! I have missed you soooooo freaking much! You decided to take a break from dating, huh? Can’t say as  I blame you *pulls away and pulls a diary out my bag* I mean, c’mon, your last date was with ConradI think anyone would need a break after dealing with him *sighs* And of course…there was that whole *whispers* guinea pig incident. How’s it going with the therapist? Have you been able to cut down on your hay intake?

Anyway, tonight, according to the email I received from HQ earlier, you’re going on a date with Valen! You know who I mean, right? You went on a date with Ares, his brother, the motorcycle-riding, pizza-addicted, fire-wielding god? See, you do remember. I know he set the hand towels in the bathroom alight but people make mistakes, okay?

I’ve told Valen to be patient and not to step here (teleport for you non-GoH readers) before 7pm at the earliest *scrutinizes the clock* That gives us two hours. Are you ready for all the info I got? Okay, date nights with Valen will probably/definitely include:

  1. Going for a few drinks in Valen’s favorite bar…but do not let that man near the vodka shots! Gods and alcohol? Na-ah. No waaaaay, joooooooseeeeeee! Unless, of course, you wanna see Rome razed to the ground…and if you do, well, I suggest you lock yourself in the attic and banish yourself from society.
  2. Getting slightly pissed off as Valen’s brothers keep randomly materializing in a poof of dramatic black smoke. Unless it’s Calistos, of course. He’s a babe *swoons*
  3. Being unable to eat dinner because Valen’s flipped the table over…unless you manage to avoid receiving compliments from anyone, his brothers in particular. He is prone to jealous fits of rage…
  4. Valen being called to the Rome gate, leaving you with no choice but to eat both his and your desserts. I mean, what are you supposed to do? Wait and watch his gelato melt? Pffft. What nonsense.
  5. Valen stepping  you to his favorite hill (not as weird as that sounds, trust me)
  6. Realizing it provides you with a fantastic vantage point of Rome as the two of you gaze upon the ancient city glittering away in the darkness.
  7. Valen showing you his talents by shaping animals out of his lightning. A awe-inspiring sight my sources (me) tell me.
  8. Being stepped to Tokyo because Esher is having, ahem, one of his moments…
  9. Returning to Rome for a late night stroll around the monuments and buildings. Midnight is the perfect time for a bit of sightseeing, trust me. Most of the tourists are tucked safely into their hotel beds.
  10. Tucking into yet more gelato as you sit by the Trevi Fountain.


Jealous fits of rage and scary brothers aside, this sounds like it might be a promising date! Have fun! *snatches clump of hay from your hands* No, bad piggy!