I think I’m having an existential crisis.

I came back from Japan filled with dreams and ambition. I stepped off that plane and smiled as I thought about the upcoming months; a month or two with my family, catching up while I applied for jobs in publishing houses down in London.

Nearing a year on, it’s apparent things haven’t gone quite to plan. Words cannot even describe the unhappiness I feel in my current job (I work in a hotel). My applications to publishing houses were either unanswered or replied to with a “You haven’t got enough experience.” (Just how much experience do you need for an ‘entry level’ role?) On top of that, most of my friends live elsewhere and I miss them so fucking much. Seeing them is difficult when we all work different shifts or haven’t the funds to travel.

So, I decided to jump back into teaching. I recently completed a 120 hour TEFL qualification, which I’m super happy and proud about. I’ve been applying for a number of jobs, both in the UK and overseas.

However, a lot of roles within the UK (which are the ones I want to apply for), require me to undertake either a CELTA certificate or a MA. I’ve been talking with my family about doing the latter but it scares me. I’m 24 years old. So many people I went to school with are getting married and having kids and I’m not (not that I want to yet admittedly). I feel like I should have my life together and I don’t 😦 I’m scared people look at me and think I’m pathetic because I still live at home and haven’t made a career for myself yet.

I know it’s probably just me being overly anxious, but I feel like I’m getting old and need to  be already be sorted with everything 😦

I need a hug 😦 And maybe some chocolate.