Check out my review for Dark Needs at Night’s Edge here!
Deary me *sighs dramatically and pats the sofa next to me, signalling for you to sit down* What are we going to do with you, eh? Oh shit, sorry, my bad *scoops you off the floor and sets you on my lap* This is what happens when you ask a god to put in a good word for you and get you turned into the minor god(dess) of freaking guinea pigs. You get turned into one! You see, I asked to be turned into the goddess of tea *holds out hand and smiles as a cup of peppermint tea materializes in a puff of smoke* thereby ensuring I remained as I am. You can’t turn an animate object into an inanimate object…but you can turn a person into a guinea pig…a very cute guinea pig *chucks you under the chin* But yeah, Turning into Gods 101. Didn’t you read it before signing the contract?
*sighs again and sips tea* Nevermind. I’ve been chatting with Mari from the Immortals After Dark series and she reckons she can get you turned back before sundown…which is great because that’s when Conrad’s arriving. While we’re waiting for Mari, how about I tell you what to expect from your upcoming date? Oh lord, I hope you still have the comprehension of a human. I hope you’re not just gonna sit there and daydream about kale and pooping. Argh, what the hell. Gotta do something to pass the time, she said it’s quite a complex spell and might take an hour or two…
Well, date nights with Conrad will probably/definitely include:
- Crotch watching. Any movement there is a sure sign you’re destined for one another.
- Cautiously backing away every now and then as Conrad becomes lost in memories and mutters to himself.
- Conrad bestowing you with a gift of all your favorite newspapers. Articles, crosswords…damn, there’s just hours of excitement and intrigue awaiting you! (And that’s not even sarcasm. I love shit like that.)
- Playing a game of vingt-et-un; whoever wins the hand gets to ask one question. Dammit, we can’t even practise when you have teeny tiny paws instead of hands!
- Conrad having a, ahem, moment and tearing the house apart. Do we have home insurance?
- Conrad feeling guilty about his outburst and fixing (and improving) the house.
- Coaching Conrad in the art of kissing…I hear he’s a fast learner.
- Conrad shouting down the phone at his brothers, trying to convince them that you do exist.
- Potentially getting caught up in the midst of battle. If you see Cadeon Woede…turn around and run.
- More crotch watching.
So, you all ready for your date with Conrad?
…right. I hope Mari gets here soon…