Check out my review for Once Burned
*enjoying a relaxing day off, happens to see I have a new email* Ah it’s HQ with the deets for your next date. I swear you have more dates than I have hot – *spews tea all over the laptop screen* What the hell!?
Okay, Bowen and his crazed cousin were one thing…but Vlad? As in, Vlad the freaking Impaler? There’s no smoke without fire, honey. People aren’t bestowed with these nicknames for nothing, y’know. What exactly did you think his profile on the Fictional dates with equally fictional men app meant when it said he’ also known as “the Impaler”? Don’t…oh lord. Don’t tell me…you thought. Oh. Let’s not even go there. You’re as bad as the authors if you think that word means…
Moving on. Moving swiftly on. So. A date with possibly one of the most infamous vampires in living memory, huh? Alright. This might take a while. Good thing I saw the email when I did. Gives me the two hours I might possibly need to prepare you for tonight. Date nights with Vlad will probably/definitely include:
- Vlad telling you before you’ve even said “Hello!” that he cannot love you. Errr…forward and awkward but honest. That’s something, right?
- Vlad gathering you in his arms and flying you to his castle.
- Sitting before an open fire (that he’s conjured) in an attempt to ease the probable frostbite you caught thanks to the sub-zero, above-cloud temperatures. He forgets the frailty of the mortal body…
- A feast at his overly long dining table. Take some throat lozenges, you’re gonna need them after shouting down the table for an hour or more.
- Or maybe you won’t. After all, Vlad flicks through people’s thoughts like you would a newspaper.
- Vlad approving of your inner thoughts. He will definitely agree that he is pretty damn hot.
- You, understandably mortified, denying that you ever thought such a preposterous thing.
- Vlad finding this incredibly amusing and telling you to date one of his staff if you really find him that repulsive.
- You actually taking him up on his offer. A date within a date? Dateception? Nice.
- Deciding that you’re probably better off single.
I can guarantee it’ll be one the strangest date you’ve ever been on…and when you’ve been on a date with Lijuan, that’s really saying something.