*lets myself into your house and begins making a pot of tea* Heeeeeey there. How’s it going? *starts opening and closing cupboards* Do you have any biscuits? What do you mean “no”!? *staggers backwards in horror* What the hell do you dunk in your tea!?

Anyway *settles for a chocolate bar* I Swoon Over Fictional, Non-human Men HQ have been incredibly kind to me this week. They temporarily released from my contract so I could go on a course…but now I have to work doubly hard to catch up on the dates I failed to arrange for you! Please forgive me *hands you your own chocolate bar* Here, take this as compensation.

*hoists myself onto the kitchen counter and begins sipping my tea* So, I’ve got a real treat in store for you tonight. Tonight *dramatic drum roll can be heard in the next room* Thanks for that, Illium *whispers* Our date went pretty well…*clears throat* Yeah, tonight you’re going on a date with not one but two eligible bachelors/Lords of the Underworld. Pretty nice, huh? With Lucien’s ability to teleport, he and Reyes could be here, like, any minute. So I best get a wiggle on and tell you what to expect from tonight. Date nights with Lucien and Reyes will probably/definitely include:

  1. A typical bacheloresque style dinner. Takeout pizza, anyone?
  2. You and Lucien restraining Reyes as he tries to leap from a window.
  3. Paris joining you guys in the entertainment room and trying to reassure Lucien and Reyes that he will not seduce you…he’ll simply try. Stay strong!
  4. Lucien and Reyes snarling at each other if they feel the other is doing a better job of impressing you.
  5. Catching Reyes trying to sneak out of another window.
  6. Lucien getting sick of Paris’ flirting and banishing him to the kitchen to bake cookies.
  7. Lucien flashing (am I the only who finds that term hilarious?) you and Reyes to safety so you can eat freshly baked cookies in peace.
  8. Deciding to end the night with drinks and dancing in the local nightclub in town.
  9. Being ambushed by Hunters who seem to think you’re the Lords’ hostage.
  10. Reyes cutting short their would-be rescue with a bad case of death before accompanying you and Lucien back to the fortress for video games.

*shrieks and falls off the counter as Lucien materializes* Dude. Some warning next time? Maybe a text to say “Yo, gonna be with you in two point three seconds exactly”?

Have fun. In fact, be sure to have double fun!