*rummaging through your cosmetics* Hey, have you got any good lipsticks? I need some for my date! *sees your confused look and rolls my eyes* Yeah, yeah, I know. Tonight’s your date night but tell me, my sweet, have you ever heard the saying “Two birds, one stone”? Yeah, well – ah ha! *finds a deeply alluring shade of red* This is perfect! Anyway, yeah. Two birds, one stone and all that shizzle. After my rant last time, HQ decided that actually, maybe it is just a little bit unfair that my love life has been put on perpetual hold while I find you your fated one. 

*opens your closet* Most of my things are still at my apartment. Can I borrow a dress maybe? Oh! And definitely those heels! Yeah? Oh great, thank you , you’re the absolute greatest! *strips off and wriggles into the dress before you even have chance to open your mouth*

*twirls around in front of the mirror* So, Dmitri, huh? Dark, handsome and lethally seductive Dmitri. Damn, you’re in for a treat with this one I can guarantee that 100%. And *laughs hysterically* So am I! I finally have a date with Illium! Since they’re both based at the Tower, HQ figured they’d ask Illium if he’d mind entertaining me for a while, save me from boredom while you’re off gallivanting with Dmitri. And guess what? He said he’d love to! Anyway, enough about me. Let’s talk about you and your date! So, date nights with Dmitri will probably/definitely include:

  1. Dmitri picking you up in the snazziest car you can imagine. 1000 years of existence means he’s acquired a fair sum of money…
  2. A helicopter ride over NYC. Venom will most likely be the pilot while Dmitri points out all the cool sights.
  3. Dinner at an expensive, exclusive restaurant. Dmitri’s reputation will guarantee a private booth…
  4. A quick pit stop at the famed club, Erotique. It might not be quite your scene so expect to catch Dmitri smirking at your embarrassment and awkwardness!
  5. Potentially bumping into me and Illium. Hey, we could make it a double date?! Well, at least for part of the night…I wouldn’t mind some, ahem, alone time. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
  6. Telling Dmitri to quit masking you in that irresistible, divine scent of his. It’s quite some trick he has there. A scent lure, I guess? I call it Eau de Dmitri.
  7. Wondering why every single guy you encounter looks at you and then stumbles away in terror.
  8. Soon realizing that it’s a terror induced by Dmitri’s death glare.
  9. Dmitri being called up to deal with some Tower business.
  10. Being escorted home by either Jason or Venom.
  11. *BONUS* Awakening to find flowers next to your bed and Dmitri in the kitchen cooking you breakfast as an apology.

What’s…what’s that noise? Is that a helicopter? *grabs your arm and hauls you to the front door* Dear god, he’s literally landed in the middle of the street. I think he’s crushed your neighbor’s car and – *looks up* Jeez, is that Illium? These guys sure know how to make an entrance. Well *gives you a hug* See you tonight or maybe tomorrow if we’re lucky! Text me and tell me how it’s going! Have *gets swept into the sky* FUUUUuuuunnnn! *voice fades into nothingness*