Reading allows us to suspend disbelief, if only for a few minutes. It’s one of the many beautiful things about literature. No matter how shitty things are in the reality in which we find ourselves trapped, the pages of a book provide us with temporary respite. Consequently, we’d completely hate it if the book we were reading was about everyday mundane things, things that reminded us of that which we were trying to escape. Realism is boring. Realism isn’t what we want. Realism isn’t what we need when we read (whoah, there’s a reason why I’m a published poet. That sentence just rolls off the tongue with its rhythm *shudders* Dayum.)
But still, do you ever read something and just think ‘What the actual fuck?’ Yep. Me too. Here’s a list of my top 5 WTF powers/abilities given to characters. Enjoy!
- Dragos’ ability to control his fertility (Dragon Bound by Thea Harrison) Eugh. Dragos fucking Cuelebre. There’s only two fictional men I despise and he is one of them. I couldn’t bring myself to read the next book in this series because his macho-me-caveman-you-woman personality really got on my nerves. And do you know what else got on my nerves? His ability to control his fertility. Pia finds herself pregnant (there’s a trope that’s not overused at all) and she’s furious…because she knows Dragos fucking Cuelebre can choose whether or not he impregnates his bed buddy. Yeah, sure, it turns out he was so overcome by his lust for her that he inadvertently overrode his no-impregnation setting but still. He has that ability and it’s like, of all the powers he could have, he has that? Couldn’t he have been blessed with the magical ability to not be an absolute prick?
2. Thane’s ability to have a dick big enough to be pierced twelve times and not find said piercings a hindrance at all (Burning Dawn by Gena Showalter) My mind, the sensible and logical part of me, screams that this isn’t a power but my heart, the more primitive, cries otherwise. Who has a dick this big? How? Why? What else can he do with it? I’m classing it as a power because if it’s big enough to host twelve piercings, it’s big enough to drive back enemies in a fight. Jeez. Imagine being slapped with that thing on the battle field.
3. Internal monologues with their internal dragons (Healed by the Dragon series by Jessie Donovan) I’ve read many dragon shifter novels where the dragon shifter in question has a strong mental connection with their inner scaly beast. And I think this is awesome! Y’know, two halves of a person being in sync like that, kinda like yin and yang. I like this idea of balance and harmony. However, it’s taken to the extreme with the dragon shifters existing within this series. The characters seem to have full-blown mental conversations with their dragons while others look on awkwardly and not only that, their dragons are complete and utter assholes to their human counterparts.
4.Owen Nightingale and his ability to turn into a wraith despite being on the verge of death (Bitten by a Hellcat by Felicity Heaton) Up until this book, I had adored Felicity’s Eternal Mates series. It’s a series packed with action, drama, humor, romance and sizzling, toe-curling passion. This book seemed kind of dry, though, almost like it was a mere filler episode in the saga that is this incredible series. The plot doesn’t seem to make sense. Things happen because it’s convenient for them to happen, not because it makes sense for them to happen. If you get me? When Cait, Owen’s Hellcat lover, is kidnapped and put on sale on the black market, Owen is in hot pursuit. Despite literally being on death’s door no thanks to Cait’s overly zealous love bite. He just happens to be able to overcome the weakness coursing through his limbs. He just happens to have witch blood running through his family. He just happens to know a good spell that’ll turn him invisible. He just happens to be able to find her in time. All while fighting off a death that normally claims people within hours. That’s some power. I wish I had that kind of perseverance when working the breakfast shift at the hotel.
5. The power of Lachlain’s arousal (A Hunger Like No Other by Kresley Cole) The dude tears off his freaking leg in a bid to reach Emma. Like, literally.
What’s your #1 WTF power or ability?