*takes a sip of chai tea and curls up on the sofa* Phew. Today’s been a rough day at work, I think I’ll run myself a ni-*is suddenly teleported completely against my will* Really? Really? *finds myself in Axel of Evil (which, by the way, is an awesome name for a nightclub)* I’m in my freaking pajamas! *sees you at the bar and marches over furiously* Couldn’t you have scheduled this date for a time when I wouldn’t be in my Grumpy Cat PJs!? Or in the middle of a cup of tea!? *slams Disney mug down on the bar, clicks fingers* Yo, can I have a SoCo and lemonade? May as well play the part while I’m here.

*sits down next to you and nervously smooths down my quite frankly adorable pajama pants* So, some place, huh? Where’s Axel at? I’m kinda hoping he gets here soon. While this establishment is *sees a random couple getting down and dirty in the corner*…interesting, I do have a date of my own. With a book. And my chai tea. Yeah, yeah, it’s all well and good you telling me to head on home but apparently my contract states that I must stay by your side until your date arrives. Yeah, I didn’t know there was a formal contract either. The bigwigs at I swoon over fictional, non-human men HQ are really taking this seriously…anyway *sips drink* Date nights with Axel will probably/definitely include:

  1. Trying to persuade Axel to visit the bathroom as power vibrates through his intestines.
  2. Hanging with his fellow Wing Slayer hunters and praying you have no witch blood running unbeknownst through your veins.
  3. Talking about your respective families and arranging a get together…far away from this place. Or long after closing time.
  4. Axel absentmindedly  running his hands through your hair, treating each strand or tress as though it were the finest silk.
  5. Walking hand-in-hand around the lake, bathed in moonlight and kissed by the cool evening breeze.
  6. Introducing each other to your favorite musicians and bands. Axel might even let you update his iPod with a few new songs.
  7. Axel making spaghetti for dinner.
  8. Trying to convince Axel that you cannot feel power in your intestines.
  9. Possessiveness rearing its ugly head when you casually mention a male friend.
  10. The most sensual sex you will have ever had. If you’re lucky.

Oh goody, he’s here! *jumps up and snatches mug from the bar* Have fun! *vanishes in a poof of smoke*