*finds self surrounded by mountains* For fucks sake. Really? I’ve got work in less than two hours! Where is she!? *sees you* Right, missy. I really, really need you to choose someone already! *shakes head* Do you know what I’ve been through in my quest to help you find your perfect man? I’ve gotten lost in creepy forests. I’ve had to run screaming from legions of Reborn soldiers. I’ve been attacked by a freaking archangel while waiting with you in a bar! And now I’m probably gonna be late for work. Not that I should really complain about that. The prospect of getting kidnapped by Prince of Assholes, Zephan, is far more desirable than working in customer service. Eugh *shudders*

Anyway, which of the brothers are you here for? Lucian? Dear God. You might want to do a warm up routine and guzzle a few protein shakes because date nights with Lucian will probably/definitely include:

  1. Sex
  2. Sex
  3. Sex
  4. Sex
  5. Quick eleven second break.
  6. Sex
  7. Sex
  8. Sex
  9. Sex
  10. Lucian telling you that you’re undesirable as a mate and/or fleeing to his tomb.

Quick! I think I spy him on the horizon! *starts doing squats* C’mon, get squatting. Get those loins ready!