date night lijuan

I figured since I’ve already done a Date Nights feature with the lovely Raphael, I’d change things around a bit and write one featuring the goddess of death herself, Lijuan! Enjoy 😉 This is pre-Beijing’s destruction FYI. 

There you are! *grabs you and uses you as a human shield* The men just weren’t cutting it, huh? Well, that’s fine and all but…did you have to opt for a date with freaking Lijuan!? *shudders as a Reborn scuttles in the shadows* Okay, Jazz, you just got to breathe, Illium will be here any second for you, don’t worry *laughs hysterically* Don’t worry!? This archangel would probably kill us simply to provide some post-dinner entertainment. Oh lord *shoves you forward* Quick, in this courtyard *whirls you around and grabs your shoulders* You need to listen and you need to listen hard. Okay? This might be your last date, like, ever because date nights with Lijuan will probably/definitely include…

  1. Her gifting you with the replica of a necklace belonging to one of your deceased relatives.
  2. Some light entertainment courtesy of a few members of her Reborn army. And when I say light entertainment, it could be anything from a Reborn edition of the bully who tormented you in school to a few Reborn tearing a vampire limb from limb and feasting upon his flesh. No two dates are ever the same with dear Lady Lijuan.
  3. Lijuan showing you her collection of dead butterflies, telling you which butterflies remind her of which angels. All I can say is don’t let our beautiful Bluebell near that woman.
  4. Her tickling your cheek with her hair that floats creepily upon a non-existent breeze. If she’s feeling playful. If.
  5. You feeling awkward as Lijuan watches you eat. Lijuan’s tastes are somewhat *clears throat uncomfortably* other. 
  6. Lijuan getting bored of you and feeding you to a Reborn.
  7. Or killing you herself, lest you evoke feeling in her cold, dead immortal heart and render her *horrified gasps* a teeny tiny bit mortal. 
  8. You running away. Or trying to at least.
  9. You begging another member of the Cadre to save you.
  10. You realizing an eternity with Neha or Michaela would be preferable over this.

*whispering as I see Lijuan floating silently towards us* Forget fun, just stay alive *gets enveloped in darkness and shadows as Jason takes pity and retrieves me*

Check out my review for Archangel’s Kiss

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