Take-Date-Night-to-the-Next-Level

*opens door to Kinevane, muttering to self*  How’d I get here? *sees you standing on the doorstep looking absolutely gorgeous!* Oh hey there. I love your outfit! Where’d you get it? Yeah, I know. You are a bit early for your date with Lachlain, but no worries. Come on in *opens door, ushers you inside* Tea? Coffee? Eighteen shots of vodka to numb you against the impending horror? No? Well, if you’re sure. Sit down…no, not that chair. Lachlain shredded the upholstery. Wait, not that one either *sighs* Actually, let’s just sit on the floor. Comfy?

Well, seeing as you’re here early, it’s perhaps only fair I tell you what to expect from tonight. So, for some crazy reason you’ve decided to have a date night with Lachlain. Good luck, you’re gonna need it. Date nights with Lachlain will probably/definitely include him:

  1. Tearing the clothes from your body as he’s overcome with his horrifyingly uncontrollable lust.
  2. Threatening to kill you unless you kiss him.
  3. Attempting to get you drunk so he can have his wicked way with you.
  4. Making you pay for everything. And I mean everything. Food, drinks, taxis…and for goodness sake, don’t let that man near any clothes stores! Unless you can afford a six figure credit card bill.
  5. Getting pissed that you’d have the audacity to show *gasps* bare skin. God forbid anyone else look at you!
  6. Publicly humiliating you.
  7. Openly mocking your parentage.
  8. Getting confused by the overly high-tech DVD player if you return and decide to watch a movie.
  9. Almost killing you while he sleeps.
  10. Bursting into the bathroom while you’re showering.

 

Have fun! *traces because somehow I suddenly have that ability*

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